How to get a second date

The hours before a first date can be anxiety-inducing, so many “what if” scenarios you’re battling in your head. What do we talk about? What if I’m too awkward? What if they don’t want a second date?

Thoughts running a mile a minute, heart racing, non-stop fidgeting – all of the classic signs of the jitters. It takes a tenth of a second to make an impression thanks to our brains and you so badly want things to go right.

Don’t worry though, you’re not alone! Everyone’s been there, even self-proclaimed experts of dating and turns out, there isn’t an instruction manual to these things because human emotions are just too complex for that.

But fear not, there is some good news! The mysteries of dating have been well-researched and there are some helpful tips available for everyone that needs some guidance on getting past the first date.

1) Respect

This one’s not hard, but let’s just review. Basic manners go a long way on dates and boundaries are there for a reason. You want your date to be comfortable around you and enjoy being in your presence, so much that they’ll want a second date.

  • Don’t talk over the other or dominate the conversation.

Let them know you’re a good listener by taking turns chatting. Show the other that you’re actually listening by remembering what they said and referring back to it.

  • Don’t bring up sensitive/controversial topics.

You don’t want your date to feel like they’re being interrogated by the Spanish Inquisition. Keep it light and friendly! All those skeletons in your closet? Just keep them there for the time being.

  • Don’t talk about your Exe’s.

No one wants to hear about that drama, it just kills the mood. Save it for another time when you’ve gotten to know each other better.

  • Don’t ask overly personal or nosy questions.

You can show your interest in the other by asking about topics such as: hobbies, work, goals/aspirations in life, pets, music, etc.

  • Don’t forget about personal hygiene.

Good grooming is essential and 100% necessary. You want to show your date you can take care of yourself. Combine that with a nice outfit and voila.

  • Don’t complain or whine

It’s another mood killer. You don’t have to sugarcoat everything or be fake, but being too negative can make your first date the last. Be polite and remember your manners.

2) Don’t force it!

Confidence is key, as they say. However, there is a difference between confidence and arrogance. Don’t sell yourself short, but outright bragging isn’t attractive. Let your date discover that you have awesome qualities and you’ll get that second date.

People can smell desperation from a mile away. Authentic chemistry is the way to go so just be yourself because honesty is one hell of an attractive feature.

3) Don’t Think About the Second Date

What does that even mean!? Well, if you’re obsessing over the outcome of your first date, you might just miss your chance to really get to know the other person. Don’t focus on your expectations or try to make the other like you. You can’t “trick” someone into wanting to date you.

Instead use that time to get to know the other more, try to find out if you’re compatible. It’s not about persuading your date to like you, it’s about discovering things about the other person. You don’t have to act like you don’t care about anything, but instead immerse yourself in the “here and now.”

4) Be Open-minded

It’s easy to judge someone and overlook their potential by focusing on the negatives. Try to be reasonable and balance compassion with rationality. No one’s perfect and everyone makes mistakes – this mindset is important on first dates because you’re just getting to know the other. Remember you have your flaws too, so don’t be too hard on the other, it will make for a more pleasant experience.

You can be open-minded without overwriting who you are. It’s understandable that you want to connect with your date, but don’t change your preferences for the sake of forming a bond. It’s okay to have differences, you’re your own person.

For example: If the other expresses an interest in rap music, you don’t have to lie and say that you do too. Remember – honesty is attractive! You don’t have to dismiss the other, but don’t hide who you are.

5) Body Language Matters

People easily overlook how body language can make a lasting impression on their date.

  • Forget your phone exists.

Don’t check your notifications, text or have it in your hand. It’s just rude and shows the other you don’t care enough to tear yourself away from your screen.

  • Put on a happy face

A warm smile can make you appear more friendly and inviting. Use it to your advantage, your date will find you more approachable.

  • Eyes, eyes, baby

Don’t underestimate the power of eye contact! It’s an amazing tool that shows you’re willing to bond with the other.

  • Keep your hands to yourself

Don’t initiate physical contact on the first date, you’re not there yet. You can sit next to the other though.

  • Nonverbal cues make a difference
    • Don’t chew gum or mumble. Communicate clearly and show the other that you care.
    • Nod your head. It’s such a simple gesture that shows you’re paying attention to your date.
    • Posture matters. Don’t slouch or drape yourself across furniture.

Crisis averted! With these tips in mind you’ll be getting that second date no problem. It takes time to get to know someone, but you can show a person you’re worth more than one date by making a great first impression. Happy dating!